“Sorry Tony, We’re Breaking Up!"

Ahh Spring, as I sit here writing and looking out of my window, the daffodils are dancing in the garden. The birds are singing. The Sun is shining and warming the Earth. It feels good, in fact it feels amazing. I haven’t felt this happy for such a long time. That’s hard for me to admit but it’s true.

I can’t believe that 4 years ago we had just entered lockdown. Whilst this was a terrible period in peoples lives the break it gave Pete and I was life changing. We reevaluated and subsequently changed our business and ‘Nature Escapes’ emerged from that period of quiet. At the start of lockdown Pete was suddenly made redundant from his ‘pay the bills’ job so I took over the marketing of our business. I set out on a mission to teach myself how to be a marketeer! Previously we’d spent a lot of money working with a PR company that hadn’t met our expectations and with Pete starting a new job in a new field of engineering, it was down to me to take the reigns. I invested time, energy and money into working out how to be an entrepreneur. I am a perpetual student so loved the challenge of working out how to do it.  The formula I’d been sold sounded easy,  just follow the steps, be consistent, laptop open every day and you’ll find yourself with a six figure business! Simple right? For the last four years I’ve consumed myself in the online space, eating up every free challenge, masterclass, paid programme, books, blogs, podcasts etc trying to find that magic formula and unlock the marketing mystery! One of my go to gurus was Mr Tony Robbins. The investment, both financially and in time has been huge. The hours I’ve spent, sat up all night to match US time zones, watching Tony owning the stage, telling me that it’s ‘time to thrive’’ and all I need to do is ‘follow 5 steps to achieve anything I desire in life!’ All of the Gurus claiming in 12 months you’ll be earning 6 figures if you just ‘follow the tools and tactics of success, no matter what!’ All I needed to do was hand over my credit card, believe in myself and work my ass off.

I remember when we began Nature Escapes, it boldly claimed on the front page of our website ‘driven by passion not profits!’ The first business coach I worked with told me to take that off straight away declaring it was ‘damaging.’ It apparently spoke of ‘scarcity’ and that the Universe would be listening and interpret this badly! So, without a second thought I dutifully took if off.  This commenced the hamster wheel of doing and I’ve become exhausted and dizzy. Every time something flashes up on Insta and Facebook I automatically sign up! I’ve become so confused by all these external noisy voices of coaches that claim to have the answer, I’ve forgotten to listen to my own.

In the depths of the lockdown, Pete and I had a big rethink about the life that we were living. Having only been together for such a short period of time, we vowed that we would make more time for each other, when the restrictions were lifted, and our normal lives resumed. In June on our Vision Quest, camping on opposite sides of the same hill, we had the same lockdown realisation. Life was too busy, lessons from lockdown lost and we must change things  Once we arrived home from Dartmoor we were inevitable sucked back in with too much to do and never enough time. You could argue that we all have the same 24 hours in a day, but we forget we get to chose how to spend them. The truth is, even if I was a 5am riser I’d still not have the time, I’d fill it with a never ending to do list. The hamster wheel is relentless. This winter seemed to go on for ever and I felt it was really hard. I’d become fed up of talking to Pete and the kids over the top of a laptop or with my head stuck in my phone. I couldn’t watch a film without checking my phone. In December I took myself off for a break to mark the 10 year anniversary of my late husbands passing. What I needed was peace and quiet and to turn my phone off, but instead I set about making myself busy; laptop open, sending emails, updating Facebook. It wasn’t the break I wanted or needed but I was ‘bossing it’’ right?! Wrong!

I realised a few weeks ago, following Tony’s advice and all the other successful coaches I was following I was getting no where. I was pushing myself to the point of breaking. I took this out into nature. I asked the tree’s for guidance and support and I realised the truth of it all. The essence of Nature Escapes is ‘connection’ but I’d never felt so disconnected. I felt flat. I had stopped doing all the things that I know connect me to myself, my spiritual practices I once enjoyed felt hard to do. I even dared to consider what my life would be like without our business, to go back to paid employment. Life would be simple. I’d have a regular income, my work hours would be the same, there’d be no striving, no relentless hours spent online ignoring life that was passing me by. My free time would be mine. My head told me I’d like this version, but my heart had something to say about that.

We forget that our heart and our body holds much intelligence. When I am guiding a forest therapy walk or running a retreat or a workshop, I invite my participants to connect with their own wild heart. Ironic that in all the doing, I’ve forgotten to listen to mine. My heart agreed with my head, that it didn’t want to feel overwhelmed, busy, to have no time to be with my family, but it’s still yearned to do this important work in the world. I know what I heard, saw and felt when I was on the Vison Quest, my medicine was strong.  I know that this is my soul purpose, to serve, to help people remember nature and the nature within themselves but in all the constant striving and the relentlessness of it all, I’d forgotten to include myself in that serving. I’d forgotten the nature of me, to connect to myself. I’m not a ‘striver ‘in the Mr Robbins sense of the world. I don't crave ‘bigger, better, to have it all.’ I want peace calm and quiet. I want time.

The truth is I do believe in myself, having had years of therapy, healing the enough-ness wound and I don’t mind working my ass off but it wasn’t working. I wasn’t ’killing it’ but I also knew I didn’t want to kill myself in the process! I’ve come to realise with the help of some close friends, my PT instructor, a brilliant coach and a book that I’ve recently listened to on audible (no time to actually sit down and read it!) controversially I don’t want to be the best, actually, I just want to be me and do my own thing in my own way.

So I’m no longer worrying about the outcome, my long, mid or short term goals. I’m no longer measuring success or my worth on how many people follow me on Instagram, how many people book onto my offerings or even how much money I’ve made this month. I’m not jumping up and down clapping my hands together to ‘get motivated.’ My success is measured in the connections I make, the people I helped and how much joy is in my life, that is a rich life in my eyes. Obviously we do need to pay the mortgage, but one of the many lessons I learned from the Vision Quest was that learning to live with less (not more) brings you abundance. We can have more by living with less. Since June Pete and I have been letting go of the material things that clutter our house that we don’t need and we’re not spending in the same way. In this fast pace life, where what we think we need arrives in less than 24 hours, it’s easy to get caught in the wanting trap. We also play the comparison game online which fuels this desire. Social media makes it so easy to see others doing similar work to you and seemingly being better at it. This does little for your self esteem or self worth and just insights misery. I’ve come to realise that it’s all a lie, a big fat con and I am stepping off the hamster wheel and redefining what success looks like for me, for us as a team.

If the goal is time, peace and joy I can find that right now with what I have! I am happy with my lot. Just watching those daffodils dance that I planted in October, seeing them fully grown is joyful enough. Having time to watch them is worth more than 6 figures in the bank.

So, Mr Robbins, I’m sorry but you and me are breaking up. I will no longer be running on the spot, doing star jumps, clapping my hands incessantly and handing over my credit card to buy your latest programme. I also don’t want to be ‘a bad ass’ at making money either. I just want to live a peaceful purposeful life of love, in the giving, the receiving, the sharing because at the end of the day, that’s all that matters .

So what does this mean for Nature Escapes? I will be posting on social media but only when I feel called to do so. I will be sending out a monthly email or if I feel the urge to connect with you, our community. I will not worry that someone needs to see something 10-17 times before they buy or finding my clients ‘pain points.’ I trust and believe deeply what I’ve always know but just forgotten, that the people that are meant to be there on our retreats, on my sessions and in my world and are the people that are meant for me. Like the lighthouse we will shine our light brightly and those that need a safe harbour will be guided to our shore. I will be savouring life again, living a slow life, embodying the one I’m trying to help people live, in touch with the Earth and Nature. You’ll find me living each moment fully, as there are no ordinary moments, and taking simple pleasures from the simple things.

I’ll be continuing to take boxes full of crap I no longer want or need to the charity shop and I’ll be re-instating the line ‘driven by passion not profits!’ because that is who we are. I invite you to do the same.

with much Nature love,

Fleur xx

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